Many Men

I would like to start off by saying that the year has not started off as I wanted. First of all, I have failed bio. So, I have waisted since January the 7th till today not studying for the supplemental. This means that I have less than a month to study the rest of biology for the supplemental and pass that. This means that I have to revise a schedule and live up to it. This is it. This is what I have to do. I need to create a time table. Today. And follow it. I cannot stand this bullshit. I know that If I lead this road I will go to failure. I will not succeed. Dream of being a doctor, surgeon in particular, is going to be fucking crushed. Right now, I am a failure, I am at my weakest. I cannot keep going at this. I need to pick this shit up. I need to fucking do something, this is my time. I can feel this semester going the same shithole as the last one.

Without further a due, I am going off right now and making up a schedule I need this. This has to be done. Today.

This is my time to shine.

As Young Jeezy Goes:

Life is on the ground got my head to the sky
Smoked all day, Lord knows I stay high
Stay on top, Lord knows I'm gon' try
And live for the moment, Lord knows I'm gon' die
And when I get to hell, Lord knows I'm gon' fry
Woke up this morning so I'm still alive

- I Luv It

ICal, the eBible wannabe

So, I'll make the post as short as I can because I really should be asleep right now. I had philosophy as my first class. The prof. is definitely Indian, who tried very hard at his pronunciation, and he is very difficult to understand. However, since I am an immigrant myself I can understand him fairly well and I can give him 'props' for trying hard. My other class, English - essay writing, should be fun, I guess. It consists of me sitting in a single chair for 3 hours listening to some guy talk while writing assignments/essays/editing. I think it will be a fun course and will require lots of dedication. The only thing I hate is - my break (11:30 am - 5:30 pm). Perhaps I should utilize this time to go to the gym and run a little or something.

Why such a strange title? Because, I want to be a somebody better so I, really, need to work on my time management. So from now on, iCal is my daily thing to check and use. I have deleted most of the icons from the dock and I left the top 10 which I will utilize daily.

I need to improve my time management.

Speaking of time management and school, I went to buy my books for this semester with a return of fat bad luck. The only book I was able to purchase was Organic Chemistry, which costed me a shitty 130 Cdn dollars. There is a biology, philosophy, and english text remaining. Which should come out to a total of, around, 500 bucks. On the happier note, I went to the University Bookstore to try and sell back books from last semester and gain myself 100 bucks back. However, that place had a broken money machine interact thingy. So, with no luck and one book bought, I think today was a semi-productive day.

I really need to stop watching so much tv :(

Happy 2007, the beggining

Well, last year was one of my best years ever. This is possibly because of so many new experiences I was thankfully provided with. It was an exciting year, until I began university. At that point, my life became unbearable. I want to be a doctor. I spoke to my friends about their futures, and come to think of it, no other profession besides being a surgeon or a family doctor or a pediatrician is suited for me. I just feel that it is right. We are all put on this earth to live a life once, we are fragile, we depend on each other, and I want to use the aspects of my fragile life to make others stronger. I want to take the weak and the scared and make them strong again. I want to get rid of pain for people. To be come a doctor I will need to graduate my current university with a degree of science with specialization in psychology. This would mean writing a paper in my 3rd year. This would mean that I have to achieve good grades, begin learning everything I can. I think this is the year of new beginnings. For the past 2 weeks, or so, my mother was very concerned of me looking very sad and depressed. On the contrary, I am not as much depressed as I am fascinated by the very nature of our existence. I am fascinated with our opportunities and our abilities. I am fascinated by the fact of how fragile and beautiful a life of a human being is. We are special, everyone.

I recently watched Blood Diamonds - a tragic movie; perhaps over-exaggerated in some parts but it was very good. I, especially, enjoyed the quote "Do you think there are good or bad people in the world? - No - There are no good or bad people; there are just people. The actions they do on the daily basis drives the very nature of who they are. They are human; however, the path they live by might be not the correct one." Something along these lines.

We live our life with the very principle of evolution. The way we evolve, education, interactions with each other, relationships, etc, allow us to create some meaning from our existence. Create some excitement in our life. But the most simple concept is behind our life is to pass on our genes to the next generation. If we just lived for the essence of multiplication, we would be the same as the animals. There must of been a person who realized that there could be more enjoyment in life then just the act of creation. We have jobs so that we can interact with each other, and make our life better. But the very essence of our life is to create offsprings and make their lives interesting. We have doctors to fix us when we are broken, we have teachers to help us give the smallest idea, created by men, of our lives. We want to understand the very purpose of our existence. Unlike animals, we have consciousness and we are conscious of the fact that we exist. Now comes the million dollar question, if I exist why do I exist? You know what the answer is? I have no idea. I think that we exist because we were selected from the million of other genetic variations of ourselves and once our genes were 'completed' we were created. Nothing can change that. We are who we are because we are strong. Each one of us, as a human being, is strong... because we survived selection. Now becomes the next challenge - developing the strength of our existence. The strength to say that I am here on this earth because of the same reason you are here. We are equal, but we are different in our 'purposes' in life. It is not much of a purpose as a selection by you for everyone else. You select what you want to do so that somebody else will appreciate your input to our existence.

Over the past few weeks I have sat and wondered what do I want to do with my life. I came to a conclusion... I want to help people. I want to help the most fragile and weakened by fixing them so that they could help others with their special 'purposes' in life.

And so, as someone said "A 5km journey begins with a single step", I want to change. I want to become a somebody. I want to get into medical school and I want to learn as much as I can while I am in school. I need to have 3.5 GPA +; begin volunteering, start to be more active, and get a job of some sort. All of this has to be over the next 3-4 years and for the rest of my life. I want to be a doctor, now its time to get it. So, they journey begins. There is no failure, it is more of a lesson and 200% dedication and effort that will get me where I want to be.

Ta.Ta for now. Another entry, on a cold night in he midst of beautiful dreams of people that are asleep at this very moment.
Alex... OUT. :)