The hype of finality

Is finality even a word? Yes it is. So, I wrote my biology exam which was a complete disaster. My first prof's exam was not so bad besides the fact that I did not know how to answer one of the question which was worth 10 marks; other than that, I think that I did okay. I know I passed that. Chemistry, I would rather not talk about because half of the final I was sitting there and looking at the exam paper with the most amazing expression, of stupidity, on my face. It was priceless. So, the final was very tough even though I've heard a lot of people say that it was not that bad. I guess my laziness has come up a long way this semester. I have math on monday. My plans of studying today have failed. I keep saying I will study in ten minutes, matter of fact it has been 8 hours since I said I would go study. What did I do in that time? I watched naked gun, followed by top 20 women of the year, followed by fast and the furious; then I browsed the internet for a few; then I watched Smallville, followed by 2 episodes of the OC and finally I watched 51 minutes of Forrest Gump. So, I think I can see where my problem is lying. I am so advanced and hooked on computers that time flyes by so fast. I think that I need to put boundaries on some things. I need to resolve my life. I need to focus on my dream of being the best. Tomorrow I will be awake at 8:30 and at 9:00 I will print of the last year's final and then correct my old midterm. I need to make up my own fucking rules if I want to be where I want to be. I want to find the definition of hard work. I know that it is possible to do so much in the time that we are given to us I want to do more. I feel like I am growing and learning; I know that I have not been true with my self. I have not given enough to be where I want to be. The best feeling I get is when I get the best mark, the best feeling I get is when I finish something very hard. The essence of success is incredible; it makes me want to fly. Every day that I wake up is a blessing because I have the opportunity to succeed. I have that opportunity; now I need to seize that opportunity. I know that success is where I shine. The feeling of success is worth more to me then anything imaginable. I go on pretending that I am tough. Who the hell am I? I can't lift shit for shit; I can't run, I aint in a healthy state, I cannot get everything perfect. I know we are not perfect, but why not try to break that. What if we are perfect? We have the opportunity but most of the people are missing the desire. I am one of those people. I have been blinded by overconfedence. In fact I am not the best, what am I talking about? I am at the bottom of the chain to success. I need to start climbing and being at the top. People are all about partying and shit/ and having fun. Fuck that, you know why? Because we have the rest of our life to enjoy our selves. The essence of dedication to learning is small. The step that people have to take to have an opportunity to have the world in their hands is dedication. You have to want success, you have to want to be the best, you have to want to blossom your abilities. They are all there; go get them. So where does this speech lead me? I need to be punctual, accurate, dedicated, and hard working. I want to live success, I want to breath success, I want to be success because that is the best feeling for me. So, I need to go sleep. That is what is on my mind atm.

... To be continues

Brainstorm of what I have on my mind:
- lots of opportunities available
- no such thing as managing time, rather than just doing the best whenever possible
- learn as much as you can to be the one who has the answer
- word "failure, difficulty, no" not found in brain
- brainstorm what I have learned this semester/ what I should greatly improve
- brainstorm what I need to change
- goal: medical school + education + 'new' me
- setting my standards, and meeting them
- GOAL is 'found'
- motivation is me

To do:
- find blog software for mac
- give 100% to study for math